men try to pretend they don't notice anything unusual about the spandex
women pay attention to the spandex in equal measures of horror, fascination and awe football, I'm looking at you
farting/pooping
women pretend that they never fart/poop
men think of it as a form of self expression, take pride in their accomplishments and look forward to every opportunity
answering machines
men talk to answering machines as if answering machines knew exactly what they did last Saturday night and are preparing to send memos about it to all their elderly relations
women think of answering machines as an opportunity to talk without being interrupted
shopping
men: Tractor Supply and the beer aisle at Market Basket
women: TJ Maxx and lattes from Dunkin Donuts so they can be near donuts even if they can't touch them
cars
men like to imagine that engine size reflects penis size
women do too, but inversely
facebook
men like to use facebook as a place to emanate quiet confidence and edgy cool without having to be literate in any real sense
women like to use facebook to embarrass their kids
hair cuts
men get them to make their hair shorter
women get them so they can feel shitty about themselves for 3 weeks
Johnny Depp
guys don't get Johnny Depp and assume he must be gay
women do get Johnny Depp and are pretty sure he's not, although the eye make-up is confusing
dedicated to StormBringer23 for giving me the strength to carry on in the face of bleakest adversity. Blame him.
the sad sad seraphim we twist our fingers turn our eyes we shield sorrow from the divinity of our smiles we skirt the persistence of the quinine kiss
steal away steal away
time is a question mark embossed on every sigh decades drop like daisies at the foot of the feral fawn (spots dance like dapples of shadow and sun) yonder comes a love song whistled through the freeze embrace me rapid fire or swallow me whole
wide eye of the moon
glowers over the half-hills
rock-eater across the river
turn south of the gaping maw
drink down the starless night
toss out god
let him beg for a ride
in the 10-degree air
and sub-zero heart
sports
men try to pretend they don't notice anything unusual about the spandex
women pay attention to the spandex in equal measures of horror, fascination and awe
football, I'm looking at you
farting/pooping
women pretend that they never fart/poop
men think of it as a form of self expression, take pride in their accomplishments and look forward to every opportunity
answering machines
men talk to answering machines as if answering machines knew exactly what they did last Saturday night and are preparing to send memos about it to all their elderly relations
women think of answering machines as an opportunity to talk without being interrupte
the sad sad seraphim
we twist our fingers turn our eyes
we shield sorrow from the divinity of our smiles
we skirt the persistence of the quinine kiss
steal away steal away
time is a question mark embossed on every sigh
decades drop like daisies at the foot of the feral fawn
(spots dance like dapples of shadow and sun)
yonder comes a love song whistled through the freeze
embrace me rapid fire or swallow me whole